From the Heart: Extending Some Grace

“Be kinder to yourself. And then let your kindness flood the world.” ~Pema Chodron

Grace seems to be one of those precious and tender things that often takes a person a lifetime to learn to extend to themselves.

Grace towards ourselves doesn't come easily, because it has somewhat of a quiet and meek nature and must fight its way over time into our heart through the often loud and brash voice of self-criticism, the sense of unworthiness, and the feeling that anything short of perfection on all fronts is unacceptable.

And so, sweet ol’ grace has a steep slope to climb with us, an uphill battle before we give it the time of day, if ever we do.

Much of my adult life I've been quite hard on myself.

When I look back, I can see pretty clearly that I've struggled to consciously give myself the wiggle room necessary to experiment and make mistakes.

I’ve had difficulty allowing myself to really take life in with unbridled pleasure and insouciance without there being at least some little whisper of guilt when I did.

So many things have always seemed to be deemed so “life and death” with me.

This has been quite exhausting to my spirit on many levels, even though I wasn't consciously aware of this until very recently, when I began shifting the way that I approach many aspects of my life, finding tremendous relief in the process.

All of this is new for me. And I must confess, I like this sweet grace, this tender mercy, quite a lot.

And I think that both men and women struggle (at least to some extent) with extending grace to themselves.

But as a woman, I can only speak to the feminine experience...

There is a beautiful and wonderful quality woven into the female spirit that tilts a woman in the direction of caretaker and nurturer, which tends to create an amnesia for the self-care and self-nourishment that is so very important to experience.

Women often feel certain types of obligations in our lives that are unique to being a woman (just as men have their sense of obligations that are unique to being a man).

And all of the “shoulds” on our invisible list that we keep neatly folded there in the pocket of our mind, and that we constantly consult, often take priority.

So where is grace on that list?

We're lucky if it appears somewhere near the bottom, if it appears at all.

But perhaps it is because time has worked its magic on me and has begun to mellow me like a fine wine that I am able to relax into the nuances of life a bit more easily lately...

The truth is, it is only recently that I have noticed that I am beginning to trust myself and to actually embrace all of the experiences (both the successes and the failures) that I have had and will have as teachable moments, providing meaning and offering precious distinction.

I've been easing into extending some mercy to myself a little more these days, allowing myself the freedom to be imperfect (what is the alternative?), cutting myself some slack, and being alright with doing my best and letting the rest go—often the hardest part.

All of this is new for me. And I must confess, I like this sweet grace, this tender mercy, quite a lot.

Have I mastered it perfectly? Ha! Far from it!

And that voice of doubt and self-criticism? Oh, it still comes in, loud and clear.

But this is a kind of life “work” that I appreciate, and that gives me hope—it offers up a sense that I'm heading in the right direction with things.

Yes, I can tell you from my own personal experience that it has taken me a lifetime to learn to extend some grace to myself.

For me it has come out of sheer exhaustion, out of white-knuckling to some extent, out of growing tired of not treating myself with as much mercy, kindness and gentleness as I treat others, nor extending myself the same wiggle room that I tend to (much more enthusiastically) extend to others in my life.

Honestly, it has come out of my desire to experience a change in myself.

And let me tell you, grace is always better late than never.

So if you haven't started on your own journey of extending some grace towards yourself, today seems as good a day as any to start...

What do you say?

Taste what's good and pass it on.