“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~Mark Twain
As I wiped down the marble countertops to make sure everything was left nice and clean, and took the final platter of food out of the warming oven and placed it onto the lunch-time buffet line for the last time, that dreaded little lump that I hoped would be kept at bay started making its way into my throat, and I began to become choked up.
I had to stop and breathe—breathe deep and slow—as to not begin to become too emotional; after all, I hadn't yet even hugged anyone goodbye, and I was actually hoping to hold things together and not make too big a fuss out of this being my last day.
But as soon as I saw my precious, hungry group begin filing in to eat their final lunch prepared by me, I felt the temperature within my body rise, felt my cheeks flush, and I could see the emotion on their faces, which only made my throat tighten all the more.
It was a turning point, a new chapter, and I had been envisioning this moment for a long time...
Everyone got through lunch well enough, with a little light conversation and joking around; but when the final hugs were given, and the final sentiments, well-wishes, and goodbyes were expressed, the tears flowed, burning with history yet tasting so very sweet from the genuine love and connection between us all.
Nearly eight years together is a long time—nearly eight years of pouring my love, my heart, my essence into the food that I cooked for my precious group certainly leaves a lasting impression, on all involved.
There was an intimacy of the highest sort present in this exchange of ours over the years, the sort that comes from a give and take, from a vulnerability specific to the human appetite and one's need for sustenance, and another's desire to provide that sustenance; and it is part of the territory that comes with being a personal chef, I suppose.
As I drove “down the mountain” from Topanga one last time, the tears burst forth with ferocity, loaded with a mixture of gratitude, some sadness, a bit of uncertainty, and a heaping measure of faith and enthusiasm for this poignant moment I was experiencing.
It was a turning point, a new chapter, and I had been envisioning this moment for a long time...
I thanked God for all that this position had given me, thanked Him for having an opportunity to touch others in such a nourishing way, thanked Him for the opportunity for others to leave a lasting impression on me as well.
My heart was also grateful for all of the new opportunities and possibilities that lie ahead for me to grow and expand and to learn new things, and to spread my wings.
It was back in late August when Michael and I sat down at our dining room table together one Sunday afternoon, and talked frankly about what had been laid on my heart.
I had been feeling a very strong urging that it was time to devote myself full time to The Cozy Apron, began feeling that it was time for me to leave my client and begin focusing my efforts on creating more content for the site and helping us to grow and expand it as our little business through new opportunities, new possibilities.
I also felt compelled to devote myself more to my writing, and to begin work on a book in the upcoming year.
And so, together, Michael and I made the decision that I would give notice to my client that I would no longer be on with them after the new year.
This endeavor is requiring a consciousness like I've never experienced before, and a shift in my thinking in regards to how I see myself and what I am capable of.
So to cut back to now, and to my “big leap”...
While all of these things feel absolutely right, and this urging, this “calling”, comes from a place deep within me, there is naturally some trepidation and some anxiousness about a new process and the learning curve that comes with an endeavor like this.
This is my big leap, my stepping out in faith and answering that quiet voice that has been stirring within me to move in a particular direction; it is my response to “now is the time, not next year or the year after that”, and I'm both exhilarated and utterly quivering in my boots at the task at hand.
There will be many new things I will be getting my hands dirty with, things that I have not previously been responsible for, and that is quite daunting, in all honesty.
Michael has been our photographer, and will continue to be in the capacity that he has been; but because I will soon be adding more recipes every week, more content, I will be participating in that realm, as well, and with that comes a lot of new ground to cover.
We also have some other little ventures planned for The Cozy Apron which are simmering away as we speak, and we'll be bringing those to you as they become ready to share.
But this is a big change, no doubt about that—it is a change on a personal level, on every level.
I understand that there is the possibility of failure, of falling flat on my face; but rather than focusing on that possibility, may it serve as a flame behind me and continue to move me forward, even if seemingly slowly and only one step at a time, but forward.
This endeavor is requiring a consciousness like I've never experienced before, and a shift in my thinking in regards to how I see myself and what I am capable of.
I have a feeling I'm about to learn things about myself that I didn't know, challenge myself in ways I never imagined; and I long to share my journey and all that comes along with it, here, with you.
I want to be even more personal with you this year. I long to give to you what I myself need and want—empathy, compassion, support, kindness, and encouragement.
My hope in sharing is that you do not feel you are alone in your own moments of uncertainty and lean times, but that there are also others of us out here going through similar ups and downs; and that you know that with a willing spirit and with hope, so many good things, so much abundance, is truly possible.
So please remember this: if you are in the midst of a big change, or of taking a leap of your own, or of stepping out in faith into something you deem as at once marvelous yet frightening, then know that I'm along on that ride with you.
And if you are contemplating a change, or thinking about taking a calculated risk, or embarking upon a steep learning curve, or longing to grab a hold of your dreams with both hands in order to create a life that you desire to have, then take some comfort in knowing that someone else is right there with you, walking a very similar path.
I am stepping into uncertain territory, and am venturing upon learning new things that seem almost impossible for a person wired in the way that I am wired to learn. But I believe in miracles.
I have trust that I can learn and end up with new tools to add to my bag of skills and self expression that will ultimately afford me much more mobility and freedom, and open the door to many things that I never would've expected.
2018 will be an interesting and extraordinary year—I can feel it.
I believe it holds within it potential for new life and for finding new aspects of myself that I never knew existed, and I can't wait to share it all with you.
I'm most certain there will be some tears, some laughter, some frustration, some surprises, some miracles, some hits. And I'll just take that to mean that I'm on the right track.
So here's to finding life's bounty through facing challenges, if need be. Here's to throwing off the safety harness. Here's to acting on that unshakeable urge, even if it doesn't make total and complete sense, and even contains some mystery. And here's to exploring, dreaming, and discovering...
Here's to a BIG leap!
Taste what's good and pass it on.
Ingrid
“From The Heart” is a space for me to share some of my more personal thoughts on life. Here you'll find my reflections on my own inner/spiritual journey; on being a wife and mother; on being a creative; and general observations, pretty much whatever is on my mind.
I whole-heartedly believe that sharing 'from the heart' with one another is what connects us, heals us, and inspires us! Glad you're here...
Stephanie
Hi Ingird, I am so excited to read that you are taking a huge leap to focus full-time on Cozy Apron. I found your site in 2017, and I have loved your writing and making many of your recipes. Your passion for your work shows through in everything you post. I am looking forward to seeing what you do next! I also made a huge change this year, I left my job of almost 7 years in water conservation to pursue nature journalism and photography full time (something I had previously done on weekends and evenings and vacations, basically every chance I got!). I was admitted to a masters program, which I thought would help me stay on track as I made the transition. Life had other plans for me. After I had left my job, just two weeks before my program was set to begin, I severely broke my ankle. The injury was severe enough that I ended up deferring enrollment until next fall. At the start of 2018 I am now finding myself unexpectedly with a mostly healed ankle, and 7 months to focus on nature journalism and photography full-time. I am so excited to see where this adventure will lead, and I will be following along with yours, hopefully cooking up some more tasty meals along the way.
The Cozy Apron
Wow, Stephanie, thanks so much for sharing that with me! That is, indeed, a big leap! I'm so happy to read that your ankle is pretty much healed so that you don't have to be laid up, and can get out and do the work that your heart is urging you to do. I cannot tell you how invigorated and uplifted it makes me feel to read your story of how you, yourself, followed that quiet prompting to step out of your comfort zone; I congratulate you and send you my best wishes and warmest prayers that you will continue to receive the guidance you need on this new path. Here's to going ahead with gusto and to success on this new endeavor!
Lynda
Wow Ingrid! I had a nice little lump in my throat as you said your goodbyes to everyone and I too had tears just reading your feelings. Saying goodbye to all those you gave your heart and soul to for 8 years, would be very difficult.
I say congrats on taking that leap of faith, and moving forward into what looks to be a very exciting and successful website. I can hardly wait for your creative recipes and writings!
Ready, set....sail!!!
The Cozy Apron
My sweet Lynda, thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart, for your kind, encouraging words. I'm grateful to have your readership, and look forward to sharing so much more with you this year!
Daniella
Oh Ingrid, reading this instantly brought tears to my eyes. You are such an amazing writer, I feel like I'm right there with you, in your experiences. You are so brave to step away from something comfortable and taking that leap into your amazing future.
You will learn new things and you will grow, you will be just fine . You are living your dream, something not too many people are able to do or are too afraid to do. You will soar!!! I am so happy for you. ❤️❤️
The Cozy Apron
Hi Dani! Thank you, my friend, for your sweetness and support— I appreciate it so much! And I know that you have aspirations of your own, and dream of taking a leap, yourself; I think of you often and I feel so strongly that your time is coming. Your heart is becoming fuller & fuller with desire, and it will soon need a space to pour itself out & share all the abundant love that it has to offer. Here’s to boldness & quiet persistence. Much love! ❤️
Sue Basta
Ingrid, thanks so much for sharing this big announcement with us! My sincere best wishes and prayers for your success, and I look forward to hearing about and following your steps in your new bold journey. Happy New Year to you!
Sue
The Cozy Apron
Hi Sue, thanks so much! So grateful to have both your readership & your encouragement. Happy New Year to you, as well!
Jan
So happy you have made that leap & with God's guidance things will be ok. I love Cozy Apron it will be a pleasure having you work with us full time. We are truly blessed to have found the kind & caring person that you are. I look forward to new beginnings with you in 2018. God bless
The Cozy Apron
Jan, you are so very kind! Glad to have you along with me on this journey!
Roseanne V. Sabol
Ohhh, Dear Ingrid! (Sorry for the delayed response.) I, too, read this with a lump in my throat. I am so impressed and so happy to read this post. I have had the sense that something deeper was brewing for you. And what a wonderful endeavor! To listen to our hearts and God's promptings - and then act on that wisdom - is to open ourselves to some unimagined experiences. Truly a whole new world.
Here's to you.....to your courage and trust, to your passion, and to your deep, beautiful heart. I'm so happy for you.
Love and blessings, Dear Ingrid.
The Cozy Apron
My precious Roseanne, thank you, thank you for such an enthusiastic and encouraging note! I could not agree with you more; to listen to our hearts and God's promptings IS indeed to open ourselves up to unimagined experiences. And I can tell you, I'm already "feeling that on my flesh", in a good way. I feel so inspired by your words, so uplifted; please know how much they mean to me, and what a lovely "push" they will provide whenever my spirit grows a little tired. Know that they will continue to resonate with me going forward, my sweet cyber sister! Much love to you, and many hugs and kisses!
Barb Bowen
Hugs and love!! Enjoy your journey...
The Cozy Apron
Barb, thanks so much! Hugs & love to you, too! ❤️
Sue R
I'm very proud of you. It's not easy to step outside the box. We really can do anything if we try but the hard part is feeling ready to go for it and it seems you are. That is so precious! I'm going to watch and hopefully learn to get back there too. (hugs) Sue.
The Cozy Apron
What a sweetheart you are, Sue! Thanks so much for that. Here's to all of us having the courage to step outside of our boxes, and seizing life boldly! Hugs right back at you!