From the Heart: Who Do I Think I Am, Anyway?

“The mistake ninety-nine percent of humanity made, as far as Fats could see, was being ashamed of what they were; lying about it, trying to be somebody else.” ~J.K. Rowling, The Casual Vacancy

It has taken me a lifetime to get to where I am today.

From the experiences of my childhood, to those in my teens, my early twenties, my thirties, and now, my early forties, everything has shaped the human being that sits writing this, the human being that longs to share.

Everything that I came into this world with as a part of my fabric, everything that I've tasted, everything that I've felt on my flesh has brought me to this very moment, and has been either the clay or the sculpting knife that has added to or carved away at me, creating the being that is the woman that is me, right now…

And right now, it is authenticity that I seek, that magnetic genuineness that springs forth from deep within that is still only providing me with glimpses of itself, though its presence can no longer be stifled nor pushed down, nor repressed.

And the authenticity is there, excited and ready for me to pull back and discard the layers that obscure it, that it may breathe and grow and continue to evolve...

It is time to embrace the flaws, embrace the desires, embrace the truth, and embrace the power within that was given as a gift a long time ago...

It is time to own who I am now, today, and not apologize for that.

...what I want more than anything is to unburden myself of my own preconceptions, judgements, and constraints, and allow this beautiful butterfly to fly free and with abandon and joy...

And so I ask myself a question that begs to be asked: who do I think I am, anyway?

And here is the answer that comes back:

I think I am a woman who has often given her strength and power away when she feels it is too much for others to comfortably handle...

I think that I have dampened my voice and subjugated my spark when I sense another is threatened by it...

I think that I am full of nurture, desire, strong intuition, good instinct, love, compassion, and empathy for others, and that is a beautiful thing...

I think that I tend to be agreeable on the outside rather than create disturbance or rock the boat when I actually disagree...

I think that I am a questioner, I am introspective, I am a rebel at heart, and one who has a natural impulse to walk in the opposite direction of where the crowd is gathering...

I think that though I do not attend church these days, I have a hunger, respect, and longing for a relationship with my Creator that is paramount to anything else in my life, and I feel loved—completely and wholly—by my Creator exactly as I am...

I think that I shy away from openly displaying my imperfections—both inner and outer—for fear of being ridiculed and undesirable...

I think that I no longer want to hide the fullness of who I am, no longer want to project outwardly that I am polished and with smooth edges, when what I genuinely am is flawed, fiery, complicated, passionate, fearful of being misunderstood, and one who appreciates unleashing a flurry of curse words when needed...

I think that what I want more than anything is to unburden myself of my own preconceptions, judgements, and constraints, and allow this beautiful butterfly to fly free and with abandon and joy...

I think that I am a loving wife, mother, and daughter, and that it matters to me that these people who mean the most to me truly know who I am....

I think I am one who wants it all, and believes all is possible...

It's taken me a lifetime to get to where I am today, to be the woman that I am right now...

And the woman that I am is one who...

-loves deeply and passionately;

-rejects labels and being placed into a bell jar;

-loves to indulge in a good stiff drink occasionally;

-has five tattoos (and counting);

-seeks out my Creator vigorously and passionately;

-is a chameleon;

-is madly in love with my family;

-has stretch marks on my belly and hips from the pregnancy with my son twenty-one years ago;

-loves to nurture and cook for people;

-wants nothing more than for others to be able to witness their most brilliant selves, just as much as I want to witness my own brilliance...

And that is who I think I am.

Who do you think you are?

Taste whats good and pass it on.

Ingrid