“The mistake ninety-nine percent of humanity made, as far as Fats could see, was being ashamed of what they were; lying about it, trying to be somebody else.” ~J.K. Rowling, The Casual Vacancy
It has taken me a lifetime to get to where I am today.
From the experiences of my childhood, to those in my teens, my early twenties, my thirties, and now, my early forties, everything has shaped the human being that sits writing this, the human being that longs to share.
Everything that I came into this world with as a part of my fabric, everything that I've tasted, everything that I've felt on my flesh has brought me to this very moment, and has been either the clay or the sculpting knife that has added to or carved away at me, creating the being that is the woman that is me, right now…
And right now, it is authenticity that I seek, that magnetic genuineness that springs forth from deep within that is still only providing me with glimpses of itself, though its presence can no longer be stifled nor pushed down, nor repressed.
And the authenticity is there, excited and ready for me to pull back and discard the layers that obscure it, that it may breathe and grow and continue to evolve...
It is time to embrace the flaws, embrace the desires, embrace the truth, and embrace the power within that was given as a gift a long time ago...
It is time to own who I am now, today, and not apologize for that.
...what I want more than anything is to unburden myself of my own preconceptions, judgements, and constraints, and allow this beautiful butterfly to fly free and with abandon and joy...
And so I ask myself a question that begs to be asked: who do I think I am, anyway?
And here is the answer that comes back:
I think I am a woman who has often given her strength and power away when she feels it is too much for others to comfortably handle...
I think that I have dampened my voice and subjugated my spark when I sense another is threatened by it...
I think that I am full of nurture, desire, strong intuition, good instinct, love, compassion, and empathy for others, and that is a beautiful thing...
I think that I tend to be agreeable on the outside rather than create disturbance or rock the boat when I actually disagree...
I think that I am a questioner, I am introspective, I am a rebel at heart, and one who has a natural impulse to walk in the opposite direction of where the crowd is gathering...
I think that though I do not attend church these days, I have a hunger, respect, and longing for a relationship with my Creator that is paramount to anything else in my life, and I feel loved—completely and wholly—by my Creator exactly as I am...
I think that I shy away from openly displaying my imperfections—both inner and outer—for fear of being ridiculed and undesirable...
I think that I no longer want to hide the fullness of who I am, no longer want to project outwardly that I am polished and with smooth edges, when what I genuinely am is flawed, fiery, complicated, passionate, fearful of being misunderstood, and one who appreciates unleashing a flurry of curse words when needed...
I think that what I want more than anything is to unburden myself of my own preconceptions, judgements, and constraints, and allow this beautiful butterfly to fly free and with abandon and joy...
I think that I am a loving wife, mother, and daughter, and that it matters to me that these people who mean the most to me truly know who I am....
I think I am one who wants it all, and believes all is possible...
It's taken me a lifetime to get to where I am today, to be the woman that I am right now...
And the woman that I am is one who...
-loves deeply and passionately;
-rejects labels and being placed into a bell jar;
-loves to indulge in a good stiff drink occasionally;
-has five tattoos (and counting);
-seeks out my Creator vigorously and passionately;
-is a chameleon;
-is madly in love with my family;
-has stretch marks on my belly and hips from the pregnancy with my son twenty-one years ago;
-loves to nurture and cook for people;
-wants nothing more than for others to be able to witness their most brilliant selves, just as much as I want to witness my own brilliance...
And that is who I think I am.
Who do you think you are?
Taste whats good and pass it on.
Ingrid
“From The Heart” is a space for me to share some of my more personal thoughts on life. Here you'll find my reflections on my own inner/spiritual journey; on being a wife and mother; on being a creative; and general observations, pretty much whatever is on my mind.
I whole-heartedly believe that sharing "from the heart" with one another is what connects us, heals us, and inspires us! Glad you're here...
barb
came at a perfect time for me...and for that I thank you.
The Cozy Apron
Hi Barb, thanks so much for sharing that with me...I'm very glad to read it.
Lynda
You are beautiful! You are a gift to all of us who want to break out and fly as butterflies with you!
The Cozy Apron
What a sweetheart you are, and I appreciate that so very much! Here’s to flying! ❤️
Shelley
Beautifully written! Thank you for sharing yourself...you sound like a wonderful woman. Cheers to you the next time you have that stiff drink!
The Cozy Apron
Shelly, thank you so much for such a thoughtful and kind comment; and please know that when I toast my hubby with that "stiff drink" this upcoming Friday evening to a week well done, I will toast to you, as well! Thanks for reading.
Roseanne V. Sabol
I’m with you, Ingrid! Authenticity – inside and out - is my mantra, too. To be true to who I was meant, am needing, to be, is a deeply rooted drive within my heart. We probably couldn't do it before now, this moment. I want to approach that with gentleness and not bulldoze anyone in my process but also, no apologies. I’m too old for that sh—t! Your words read like your personal manifesto and you’re inspiring me to create one for myself. And I love that I continue to discover new things about myself (someday I’ll tell you about those) and explore new avenues of creativity. I FREAKIN’ LOVE IT!!! I hope, deep in my heart, that some of this rubs off on my daughter - that she has the courage to be her own true self and explore new directions. I am seeing that already and it fills me with joy. It’s all an inside job, right Ingrid?
Sending love ♥️
Roseanne V. Sabol
Ohh...forgot that I wanted to share this with you today.
http://afirstsip.blogspot.com/
The Cozy Apron
Hi sweet Roseanne, what a beautiful piece of writing...what that author speaks of is pure presence, and it is indeed something that I have the pleasure to taste from time to time, albeit in little fleeting moments; but I'm working towards this being the "norm" not the exception!
I can't tell you how much I loved and appreciated your passion. Looks like this sparked something in you—something akin to a beautiful feminine "roar"! Finding that balance is always the juggling act, but as you said, proceeding with mercy and compassion is the goal...
May your lovely, young daughter grow in this direction; I'm sure she will as she matures. Same happened for us, right? Timing plus life experiences provide those friendly little nudges...
Sending my love, and my warmest wishes on your own "manifesto", lol! You've got this sister! xoxo...